Physically seeing love

I don’t think many people get to physically see love until they are at a very old age. I was able to see it first hand and it brought me closer to my fiancé then I ever thought possible. I didn’t think I could love him more and a whole new form of love came about.

Picture this… when I came home from the hospital I couldn’t sleep in a bed for 3 MONTHS!! That is 3 months of sleeping in a reclining chair and not next to my partner because I was so butchered up that moving was not only very difficult but laying flat and in a bed was impossible. So of course if I can’t lay in a bed for 3 months that is also 3 months of very, very, little physical activity if you know what I mean. My poor fiancé was stuck taking care of me daily, working full time, staying up nights with me crying, changing bags, feeding tubes, giving me meds, changing bandages… you name it he had to do it. He was Mr. Nurse and he saw and did things that no one in their late 20’s should ever have to do without working in the medical field.

I must say he did not complain ONCE. Not one time. He did what had to be done and he would smile and joke all the while to try to make me more comfortable with the situation. The following example is a little graphic and probably to much information but it pin points when I physically saw love from him so I have to share.

So I had a feeding tube in one side of my body which was a long plastic tube that fed in to a large cut that they put in my ab area. The wound remained open and bleeding because it could not close up with the tube inside of it. The tube fed in to my intestines and was attached to a large feeding machine where basically adult baby formula had to be poured in to. It would then drip in to my intestines and take about 2 hours a feeding. I had to feed about every 4 hours so it was 2 on, 2 off for over a month. Well one day nearing the end of my feeding tube days I fell asleep while it was pouring nutrients in to me at night. This was a big no no because first of all the machine is noisy, and second you need to stay in one position in the chair so the tube doesn’t crease or overflow or anything like that. Well I fell asleep and awoke to the feeding tube being completely out of my body. This was shocking because I had a hole in my side where you could basically see the inside of my gut area, but it also was shocking because it had to go back in.

After a few frantic phone calls to the doctor it was decided… my fiancé had to feed the tube back in to my body. The doctor literally told me to find a stick to bite down on because it would be so painful. Asking him to do this was stressful enough but he just smiled and said he would do what was needed. He then literally fed the tub into my body as you thread a needle and thread. It was so disturbing… and painful. I screamed and cried and blood went everywhere. It was something that should never have had to be experienced by two people who were in love but young and not even married yet.

When it was over the tube was in and he just sat in the bathroom and held me. I will never forget how he smelled as I cried on his shoulder or how he consoled me as I just apologized fanatically that he even had to do such a thing. Then he kissed me- and it was one of those movie kisses where everything was falling apart and I looked hideous and bloody… but he kissed me like he meant it and just held me until we were both calm and almost laughing. I physically saw him love me at that moment and I will never forget it. It is such a different thing than feeling love and I am grateful that I experienced it with him because I feel that it bonded us in a way I didn’t know possible. I loved him more that day than I thought possible and when I think of everything he did for me and all of his positivity I love him more and more all over again.

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